There has been additional subsequent guilt, because I intentionally became pregnant.

I was on medication for depression and when I became pregnant.  I had to go off the medication immediately, without opportunity to wean down first. I was emotionally and physically ill as a result and suffered from consistent nausea and vomiting associated with hormonal changes. I was unable to see the fetus as a baby at the time. In fact, I said to my doctor that I felt like it was more like a "parasite.”  I still struggle with that. I had no one encouraging me to carry to term. 

Now that I have begun a relationship with the Lord, I understand the sacredness of every life, and I want to come beside others struggling with the decision to have their babies.  That is why I am silent no more.