I believe with my first abortion that I wasn't sure it was an abortion.  I had no knowledge of what I was doing. I went out of my marriage and had sex with another man. I was scared I would become pregnant, and a friend suggested I take a Plan B pill, which was offered at a local clinic. It would speed up the process of my period, and I wouldn't become pregnant (or that's how it was explained to me.) I went in one morning before work, not telling anyone, and I used a fake address, because I was scared my husband would find out. The nurse/counselor made it seem so easy, like nothing was wrong.  After I was handed a paper bag with condoms and foam, I took my pill and went off to work. I remember the cramps and blood clots. 

A couple of years later, I was single, living life, starting school, and pregnant again.  I didn't know who the father was, and I was so embarrassed that my family suggested I have an abortion. My family knew some home remedies I could use to abort the baby.  I ended up getting sick, and I believed I had an STI, but I was unsure of what was going on.  I was too ignorant to ask and understand what I was doing. I went to an OBGYN, ended up hearing the heartbeat, and immediately changed my mind about aborting. In that moment, I wanted the baby despite everything.  But the infection got so bad that by the following visit the heartbeat was nowhere to be found, and I was rushed for a DC. I was devastated and felt so guilty, knowing what I caused. I had the procedure done on Mother’s Day, and the fact that it was on that date haunted me.  I was around 15 weeks, and I just knew it was a girl. After the procedure the doctor told me my uterus was damaged.  He didn't think I would have children again, as it could be very risky. 

I was broken. At this point I hit rock bottom and became dependent on alcohol, just to erase the memory and numb the pain. Now I wanted a baby more than ever and, to make matters worse, I lost custody of my 3-year-old son. I completely lost myself in the world.  I felt disgusted and so ashamed and no one knew. I planned to take my own life so many times but never had success.  All I wanted was to die. 

I was having sex with anyone, not caring what would happen.  But in the midst of all I was pleading God to let me have a baby girl, the baby girl I thought I had killed, thinking it would still be her. I didn't believe in God. I didn't know about His Word, but something inside me started to pray. I started meeting people that invited me to church, and one day, without knowing, I attended a healing service. The pastor asked that anyone who needed healing to put their hands where they needed the healing, so I put it on my cervix, pleading to be healed and to give me a baby. I needed to know if this God that everyone spoke about was real. I fell to my knees and cried. Days passed, and I forgot all about service, going on with my life, miserable. One day I left work with a bad UTI and make an appointment at the free clinic.  They ran test, and the doctor came in and told me that I was dehydrated and that my pregnancy was causing my UTI. It was like someone slapped me in the face, and all I thought about was that day when I pleaded to God to save me and send me a baby.

Knowing I was pregnant, I promised God that I would change my life for my baby girl.  I knew He was real and would give me that little girl (again I had no knowledge, I just wanted to believe).  That day saved me. I turned my life around for the Lord.  Now I have three children, and we all serve and are part of a ministry.