Hello.  My name is Elaine.  I am from Saskatchewan.

I chose to have an abortion when I was 19.  At that time I was very dysfunctional, alone and confused.  My mother had died when I was 14 and, although I lived with my Dad, he was hardly ever home, depressed and basically unable to parent.  

When I became pregnant, while using contraceptives, I saw a doctor who was very pro-abortion.  She said, "Have an abortion; it's easy."   Then she said, "It's not really a baby; more like a little sprouted wheat seed at this stage."  What I really needed to know were the true facts of fetal development, and that free love was not freeing or loving.  It was only sex, and it comes with responsibility!  All choices have consequences.

After the abortion, I felt a strange emptiness.  Not only was my child gone, but that special part of me that made me want to be a wife, mother, and even a woman was damaged.  I wanted to forget and started to drink more and do harder drugs to cope with my pain.  My boyfriend (the father of the aborted child) suggested that we get married!  He was equally as confused and mixed up as I was!  

We did get married, and our first child was born a year to the due date of the aborted child.  I had a hard time bonding with my child.  For 10 years my husband and I struggled in our relationship and with addictions.  We never discussed the abortion.  What a mess!  

We met someone while travelling, who shared their faith with us, and we became Christians.  That was the beginning of our healing journey.  We attended a Bible study with a couple who shared that they had had nine miscarriages.  They desperately wanted a child and could not understand how anyone could choose abortion.  

I got pregnant and had to have an ultrasound at nine weeks of gestation.  I still believed the lie that at nine weeks of gestation, a baby is nothing more than a sprouted wheat seed.  This is when the truth really hit home for both my husband and I.  We saw a very alive little human being on the ultrasound screen - not a sprouted wheat seed!  Little hands and feet, a beating heart, and she was moving very fast.  With great relief, we saw that she was alive, but also realized the truth about abortion!

In 2007, I attended a Rachel's Vineyard retreat.  I experienced incredible help and healing from the abortion.  I came to realize that I love being a woman, wife, mother and now grandmother.  This is why I am silent no more.