I had an abortion because the father of the child abandoned me and I was ashamed and afraid to tell my parents.  It seemed an easy solution, legally available, and a quick fix.  I could pretend that nothing ever happened, or so I thought. 

The abortion experience itself, it was just too easy to get... a clinical procedure, a D&C, performed by my doctor in a local hospital.  I still remember the nurse calling me because I didn't want to wake up.  I had something to eat.  My girlfriend drove me home, and I went to bed.  I think my Mother knew, but we never ever talked about it.

After the abortion, I immediately felt regret and shame...Oh My God, what had I done!  I went to confession, but I didn't believe God could ever forgive me.  What followed were years of sexual promiscuity, alcohol abuse, depression, a suicide attempt and a nervous breakdown.  I was diagnosed as bi-polar.

I found healing and forgiveness by watching EWTN, especially from Mother Angelica.  It was the first time I heard there is no sin greater than God's forgiveness.  For 30 years I confessed my sin of abortion every time I went to confession.  Finally, a priest asked me how many times I had confessed my sin.  When I told him, he said: "God forgave you many years ago; it is you who has never forgiven yourself."

The road to healing has been a very long and painful one, and it nearly destroyed me.  I think we have been fed a lie for too long... If my story helps one other person and saves a life...  This is why I am silent no more!