I was saved when I was 12 years old but I got pregnant at 17. I knew it was wrong to be having sex outside of marriage, but the most important thing to me at that time was being a lifeguard. The Lord gave me every possible way out of making the wrong choice, but I was very stubborn. I was SO sure an abortion was what I needed to make my problem go away. I even accused the woman at Planned Parenthood of trying to talk me out of it.
Once I had the abortion, I felt like nothing sinful I did mattered, since I'd already done the worst thing a person could ever do and I was determined to guard this secret with everything in me. I questioned why should or would a righteous God forgive me, knowing full well His grace when I made the decision to have the abortion? I spent years trying to drown the pain with drugs, alcohol and more immorality. The anniversary of the abortion was particularly painful, usually spent crying and begging the Lord to forgive me, but without relief. I believe it's because He wanted me to confess this secret.
The Lord cared enough to pursue me by mailers from our local Community Pregnancy Center as well as bumper stickers about abortion that would literally bring me to tears as I drove to work. When I couldn’t hold in the pain any longer, I attended a PACE (Post-Abortion Counseling and Education) facilitator's training, hoping to find relief, but I had no intention of sharing my own abortion with those people.
God placed one woman directly behind me that shared her experience, and in her voice, I could sense the healing hand of the Lord. By the time it was my turn, all the pain I had held back came pouring out of me, and I shared what I had done, as well as all the fears I had about sharing my experience.
During the facilitator's training, I read Luke 13:11-13, “Woman, thou art loosed!”. It was as if the Lord Jesus spoke those words directly to my heart about my abortion, after almost 30 years of carrying the grief. Then I knew He not only could, but He desired to forgive me of this terrible sin.
Before taking the Forgiven and Set Free Bible study, I could barely say the word abortion. I avoided baby showers, babies and anyone talking about abortion. Now, with God’s help, I am taking a part in pointing wounded women to the One who can save them. Isaiah 61:1-3 He has sent me to bind up the broken-hearted and proclaim liberty to the captives.
As I was going through the CPC PACE training, I saw one of the Silent No More TV ads. I had never seen anything like this on TV before, and it just confirmed to me that this was the path the Lord wanted me to be on. I want to share with others the depth of mercy of Christ for all sin, including abortion. Our God is truly an awesome God!