I grew up in Long Island NY with devout Catholic parents and siblings.  I attended Catholic school from Kindergarten- through college. I was surrounded by solid, beautiful family members.  

Although it seemed like an ideal childhood from the outside world, from about 8 to 12 years old, I experienced trauma that no little girl should have to endure.  I was told to keep it a secret because my parents would never believe me.  That damage to my innocence led to unhealthy thinking as I grew up -- towards my self-image- my worth- my dignity-and my need for attention.  

The summer after HS graduation I went to a party.  I accepted a ride home from a guy who drove a blue MG.  He drove me to a wooded area and there I was violated. Six weeks later, I found out I was pregnant. I had trained myself to keep secrets so there was no one to talk to.  I was afraid my parents  would disown me so out of fear and the lies the nurses at the clinic told me, I aborted my baby. I never felt a sense of relief.  

Growing up Catholic, I knew I committed the ultimate sin and although I went to confession sometime after, I constantly questioned how God could possibly forgive me.  I never spoke about the rape or the abortion experience to anyone- not my brother or sister, not the friend who hosted the party or the person who paid for it. Silence. I tried convincing myself I could get on with my life as though nothing really significant happened. 

To get relief from my emotional tsunami I attended a University in PA, majored in Theater and Secondary Education. There, I met my future husband. we married and God blessed us with 2 children.  I put the abortion out of my head yet never realized how the long- term impact of the abortion affected my personality.  And on December 23rd, 1999, after 15 yrs. of marriage, another trauma: while working under a car at our family business, the arm of lift failed, and the car came crashing down and killed my husband.  Our children were 6 & 9. 

During the 5 years I was widowed- the unresolved grief of my abortion played a huge part in the way I grieved and how I cared for my children. The abortion experience did not come flooding back during that time, but the promiscuity, the need to find a husband, the inability to attract a healthy relationship and the idea that I could not confidently raise my children as a single parent all played a part in how I did not trust God and just went through the motions of having a faith life. Yet, that suffering would allow me to accept God’s grace and mercy years later.  

Then God, placed light in the darkness:  I re -married; gained two beautiful stepchildren.  Then two years into my marriage, the buried secrets in my life began to unfold.   It began with a “why am I Catholic” challenge and ended with a weekend retreat with EWTN’s Johnette Williams- where I had a profound Eucharistic Adoration experience with Jesus.  As the priest was processing though the aisles holding  Jesus in the monstrance, and over 300 women present, the priest paused with Jesus was in front of me and Johnette spoke:  “there is a woman in the far back who… was as violated in a blue MG car!   It resulted in pregnancy and termination...Jesus wants to shower you with his forgiveness.”

I FELT the profound love of Jesus and knew He forgave me. I crawled to a waiting priest, went to confession, and I have never had a need to confess it again.  I knew then I had to wait on the Holy Spirit to learn how to forgive myself. 

He led me to a pro-life breakfast; the keynote speaker was Dr. Theresa Burke, founder of Rachel’s Vineyard.  There I heard her speak, bought her book, and did a deep dive while everyone in our home was sleeping.  I sobbed; I recalled the ugly details, the manifestations, the pain, the regret and the loss.  The profound loss of my baby. 

It took me eight months to drum up the courage to attended Rachel’s Vineyard weekend. But that weekend changed my life!  For the next 14 yrs., I was a facilitator and in 2022, after retirement as a public-school educator and professional entertainer, I went public with my testimony and awareness talk with anyone who would listen to the good news– that the mercy and forgiveness of God leads to a healing journey from abortion and changes your life! I am now  on a journey to try and lead others to the forgiveness and mercy of Jesus! I am finally free from the shame and guilt and that is why I am Silent No More!