POLLY'S TESTIMONY:

I was in a complicated relationship with a boyfriend in the early 1980s. I was in my twenties, divorced, and trying to raise my daughter on my own. There was no financial support from her father. He purposely worked “under the table” to avoid paying child support — what a weak coward. Being a single parent was hard. I eventually went on

welfare so I could provide for my daughter and make sure she had medical care. 

Thankfully, my parents loved her deeply and helped me raise her. When I found out I was pregnant as a single, divorced woman, my boyfriend told me he didn’t want to get married. That stunned me. I thought we had something more. I couldn’t fathom the

idea of being a single mom to two children, and I didn’t want to deal with another man who wouldn’t take responsibility. It’s easy to point the finger and place the blame elsewhere, but the truth is, I was weak and cowardly too. So I had an abortion — and he gladly paid for it.

I felt immediate relief because the “problem” was taken care of. But that relief didn’t last. The tears came — deep, uncontrollable sobs — followed by a heavy numbness that settled in like a weight I couldn’t shake. About a year later, still caught up in the same “on-again, off-again” relationship, I found myself pregnant again. His response didn’t change. This time, I made the decision almost mechanically - cold and matter-of-fact. Our “relationship,” if you could call it that, ended shortly after.

I never told anyone about those two abortions. I planned to take those secrets to my grave. I spent years numbing the pain through partying and reckless living, but the shame never left — it was always hiding beneath the surface. Then I met my now-husband. We’ve been married for 36 years. Before we got married, I told him the truth. I braced myself for rejection, but instead, he told me that he too had abortion in his past. That night we had a deeply honest conversation and never spoke about it again.

Over time, the Lord began gently preparing me to share my story. It took years for me to fully surrender and let Him into those hidden, wounded places. Through an abortion healing Bible study, I found forgiveness and freedom. I vowed to right the wrong for the rest of my life as a way to acknowledge and honor my babies in heaven. And that’s

why I am silent no more.

I was a 17-year-old senior in high school when my girlfriend became pregnant. After she

intimated that she did not want to have a baby, I immediately began steering things in

the direction of having an abortion. I was consumed with fear about becoming a father. I

thought that it would ruin my life and bring shame and embarrassment to my family. 

All I could think about was how fast I could make the "problem" go away. I went with her to the clinic to have the abortion. When they took her back, I wanted to disappear. There were other people in the waiting room, but I just stared at the ground, not making eye contact with anyone. I felt ashamed. I felt numb. I wanted to disappear so no one could see me. I knew what I was doing was wrong, but I did it anyway. I wanted everything to go back to the way it was. Afterwards, I remember feeling a huge sense of relief. We never talked about that day. We acted like it never happened.

As the years passed, the thought of that day would enter my mind, and I would

immediately try to push it away. I felt so guilty and ashamed. I would justify why I made that decision but, deep down, I knew exactly why I did it. I was only thinking about myself and what I wanted. Looking back, I realize that I would try to "make up" for what I did by being as helpful and kind to people as I could. I did my best to be empathetic and a good listener for people who were struggling with a problem. I felt that if I was "good enough", I could make up for the terrible thing I did.

I finally sought healing because I could not truly help others who had experienced the pain of abortion unless I found my own healing and forgiveness. Reclaiming Fatherhood showed me what an amazing, loving Father we have in heaven. I learned how much He truly loves me despite my past. Through that, I was able to forgive myself and love sharing God's grace and love with people who feel alone and hopeless. That is why I am silent no more!