On February 25, 2006, I made a decision, a decision that has changed my life forever.  I walked out of the abortion clinic dead inside.  I was numb and could not feel anymore.  I knew that God had seen what I did, I knew I could not hide it from God.   Growing up in a Christian home had taught me that.  It had also taught me that God could and would forgive me.  But to me, I had done the unforgivable, the unthinkable.  I felt I wore a scarlet “A” on my forehead.  I remember the moment I came to realization of what I did.  My daughter was visiting with her Grandparents, and I was home alone.  I had walked into her room and saw the rocking chair I held her in so many times.  I then realized that I would never rock, hold or kiss my unborn baby in that chair.                              

For the next four years I descended into a world of anger, shame, guilt, pain and constant longing for my unborn baby.  After my abortion I was broken, nightmares came, emotional numbing, depression, flashbacks and anniversary syndrome.  I forced myself to be the super mom but, the truth was abortion had interrupted the bonding process with my daughter.  It affected every relationship I had.  The thing about abortion is, it promises to fix one problem but it delivers you many more.  It wasn’t until I hit my lowest that I realized that I could no longer live like I was.

I signed up for the PAST class at the Gainesville Care Center.  Through the course of the Bible study I found that God was there.  When I had fallen to my knees crying to God to take this pain from me, he had heard me all the while.  I did not see it at the time, but God brought His kingdom and He stood by my side.  I was never alone.  I never fought this fight alone.  Today, I am forgiven.   Not only forgiven by God but I have also forgiven myself.   I have peace, happiness and joy.  Things that had not existed before my God healed me.