If there is one thing I regret, it is the trap of choice that imprisons so many and it is my abortions.  I had an abortion because I thought it was the best choice for me at that time.  I looked at the reality of becoming a mother as a mistake and attempted to fix it. I disconnected my head from my heart and didn’t think about the reality of what I was about to do.

I remember walking through the doors of the abortion clinic and there was coldness inside that building.  I briefly visited with someone who worked there and she promised that I will feel nothing and feel relief.  

Before, during and after the abortion procedure, I was never informed of the physical or emotional consequences abortions would have on my health.    

Immediately after the abortion I was taken to post op and the woman asked why I chose abortion.  I was taken back at such a question and it was beyond me that she would even ask.  She told me that it is now all over and I can rest.  Nothing about me was going to find rest.  My body, my mind, my heart, my soul would never know rest again.  

Relief was the very last thing I felt and the emptiness set in.  As time went on, I fell into depression and self-destruction, trying to somehow compensate by believing that I deserve to be punished daily.  Nothing would compensate for what I did.  The more I tried, the worse I felt because I couldn’t bring my children back.  Feeling nothing but despair, shame, guilt, unworthiness…I couldn’t take what I was feeling inside anymore and I decided that the only way to end the pain was by taking my own life.    

I removed God from the throne of my life and placed myself in His seat and destroyed what He created in me.  I feel shame and regret that will never go away, but I am on the road to recovery knowing that Jesus makes all things new.  I am in Christ, and I am a new creation, the old has passed.  There is redemption in Jesus Christ.  

What’s lost in the political discourse or pro-choice and pro-life is that Post Abortion Stress Syndrome is real that effects everyone.  And if this was elevated by our pro-choice politicians, we can change the debate from a woman’s right to a woman’s health issue.  And if a party truly wants to protect the health and well-being of women, not to mention the most innocent and helpless persons in our society (the unborn), you would think a party would be educated on and promote awareness about PASS.  And this is why I will be silent no more.